Disappointed

Posted by: abbymillsaps on: December 1, 2011

• In: I Do | Welcome to the real world
• 2 Comments

I’ve spent the last few months being thoroughly disappointed with myself. Things aren’t working out as planned and I’m frustrated.

I’m the kind of person who usually gets what I want. Partially because I’m spoiled, but mostly because I’m ridiculously driven. If I set my mind to something I make it happen. I’ve been this way my entire life. I distinctly remember wanting to be friends with a girl I didn’t even know in 7th grade. We were bffs by the next year. Senior year of high school I realized my GPA was .26 points away from being at the top scholarship level. In order to raise it I would have to get an A+ in literally every class, including AP English. I pulled it off. When I started my first full-time job out of college in June I realized I wasn’t going anywhere fast and I decided it wasn’t the right place for me. I wanted to work for the company I freelanced for, even though they didn’t have an open position. I had my dream job by the end of summer.

Part of my determination comes from being hyper-focused. I really only have two speeds: GO-GO-GO-GO-GO-THIS-IS-NOT-A-DRILL and off.

So imagine my disappointment when I set my mind to something, work at it really, really hard then fail.

I don’t deal with disappointment well. I cry, I scream, I try to project my anger on anyone or anything else. When I’m disappointed I lose sight of every thing good in life… I only see the negative. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll be able to change my disappointing situation anytime soon. Instead of festering in self-pity I decided to set some intentions for the month of December. Maybe having something else to focus on would do me some good.

1. Nurture my relationship with David. This is always something I have top-of-mind, and that’s the way I want it to stay. With the holidays coming up it’s easy to get lost in a flurry of family gatherings and Target receipts. I want to make an extra effort to put down the iPad and connect with my husband.

2. Knock it out of the park at work. We’re working on a lot of great projects at work with more on the horizon for 2012. I feel like I’ve flourished at my job this past year, and I want to keep the momentum up. I have a few big projects I want to wrap up and do my best so I can begin the new year with a strong start.

3. Finish up all loose wedding bits. I still have a few stray thank you cards to write (from recently received presents, for those of you trying to judge me). I also need to select photos for our wedding album, and I want to get both David and my rings redipped sometime soon. As much fun as the big day was, starting the new year without an ounce of wedding business to tend to sounds fab.

4. Work on this blog. I’ve been writing a lot these last few months, just not posting.  Early next year I want to give Hamsaps House a custom design facelift. I also want to blog more frequently and more meaningfully. I feel like in all my disappointment I’ve been writing a lot of fluff. No one likes fluff. Except on their hot chocolate.

5. Continue my freezer kick. Over the last month or so David and I have become enamored with our freezer. We’re obsessed with freezing leftovers and making our homemade meals stretch a little further. I’ve been making a different batch of soup each week then freezing it for lunches. It’s so nice to have a quick, easy to grab meal ready to go that’s NOT wrapped in plastic and preservatives. I’ve also been freezing hunks of cookie dough so when we want dessert we can just break off a chunk and make a few cookies at a time. This saves time making cookies from scratch, and it saves calories from eating a full batch of cookies in 2 days (guilty). I want to continue to freeze as much as possible so we waste less and eat more whole, homemade food.

I think these should keep me busy this month. What are your intentions or goals for December?

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